White water rafting as Big Brother in CO, tubing in TN with Chris and Christa (Gertrud was preggers w/Stephanie), tubing on a lake . . . Loved visit with Hans and Renata and the boys at lake Mashpee on Cape Cod, Smoky Mountains in TN .  .  . Attempted water skiing with Dave Delaney when in FL (Eglin AFB, Ft. Walton Beach - awesome 10ks and half marathons)

 If I write a book I have to give thanks first and foremost to Gertrud for joining me in my life at my age 33.  I had many experiences before I met this impetuous, cute, smart, and forceful young girl in Germany.  Up until meeting Gertrud my family, mom, dad, sister, and brother gave me some wierd memories, some even toxic.  Mostly my family was strange, not intentionally bad or toxic, but quite unusual.  My life and private life were dictated in some degree by inner doubts and anger.

But Gertrude past my unconscious test of loyalty.  My first true love abruptly abandoned our relationship, so my style thereafter was superficial relationships.  If a girl stayed with me through thick and thin, she was the one for me to stay with thru thick and thin.

I knew something was missing in all my relationships age 17 to 33.  I did not know what was missing. I did not become fully aware of this test, my "style," my approach to relationships, until very late in my life, perhaps at age 71.  .  .  lol!

Over half my life, 38 years by 2018 when I wrote this, has been spent with Gertrud, my wife, whom I met at a Christmas ty in Vogelweh, Germany.  She was a German Children's Nurse, born in Obernheim.  Impetuous, young, funny, I eventually fell in love, but was as confused as ever.  My story may tell you how confused I was about life and love.  Sometimes I have marbles for brains.

I left Germany and Gertrud in 1979 as I recall, for an Air Force assignment in Ohio at Wright-Patterson Air Base.  I lived in a mobile home.  I spent a few months wondering and being crazy and running until I decided task Gertrud to visit me.  I had written a few silly letters to her.  For some reason she decided to visit me, and I felt she loved me, and I loved her, so, after a few days, I asked her to marry me.  I was 33 and she was, I think, 22.  We are a little less than 11 years apart in age.

I love Gertrud, and we have a good marriage.  I have flaws she has learned to live with and it's all good, I think.

I married Gertrud twice, once in my sister Melody's back yard, and once in Germany in a big stone Catholic church.

Gertrud can be angry, sad, sweet, and quite German . . . and therefore very dynamic, intelligent, argumentative, and interesting.  I learned to love Germany when dad was assigned to Augsburg, in Bavaria, then I learned to love my own German, my wife.

Communications has always been a special area I work on to get right between Gertrud and I because she is German and I am American.  I work very hard as a sociological person, very much into sociology, to understand what Gertrud means in her words, NOT what she says.  It is key to know the difference between a person's words and a person's meaning, or intent.

Example: she says I am drunk when I am buzzed.  I o not like her saying I am drunk because I see "drunk" as staggering around semi-conscious.  She means buzzed.

Flashing back on my life . . . I was born in 1947, so it was a good thing it was in Watsonville, CA where it was probably warm most of the time.

I'll try to share some of my life, unlike my mom and dad.  They did not share how they grew up with me.

Lived in Watsonville.  I recall one day alone in our living room looking out from my place on the couch in the living room, looking out the big window, a big window, with hellish rain coming down, feeling sad I was alone at 4 years old waiting for mommy to come home while brother and sister were in school, dad at work, of course.

I cried.  I felt too much alone as a 4 year old watching the rain hit the window in Watsonville.  I never forgot that moment as a four (4) year old, so keep that in mind for YOUR children.  What really happened?  I don't know, but that is what is in my memory.

My dad was an Army Paratrooper in the Infantry, so we travelled a lot.  In 1951, Japan, from there Kentucky, then off to Germany from 1955 to 1958.  Dad went to Ranger School at Ft. Benning, Georgia from Germany, I was half way thru 6th grade.  It was hard to catch up in school, but after a couple grading sessions, 6 weeks each, I got my grades back to the "B" level,

We left Georgia and moved to Indiana, so dad could manage Army Reserves.  We lived there 1960 to 1964, eighth grade to Junior in HS.  Did Mr. Humphries teach civics there, or was it in Georgia?  CIVICS was a needed class!  I cannot recall.  I had Mr. Hardwick for beginning algebra in Jr High.  That was an interesting class; Hardwick gave me whacks with a paddle when he determined I misbehaved.

I went to Binford Junior High and Bloomington HS.  I played some football, but not well, and got to be too small, and way too slow.  I ended up on the HS golf team as a Junior in HS.  I scored in the low 80s, but was inconsistent, and my clubs were pick-me-up second hand clubs.  The golf team was fun.

My sister taught me how to dance, sort of, we had two Pekingese dogs that died, both killed by the same German shepherd somehow.  We lived on Green Road.

I caddied Bloomington Country Club, a 9-hole course, a good course, and played golf every Monday morning as the sun cleared the horizon, and played until noon.  It was a benefit for caddies.

I had a "best friend" Dennis who abandoned me for who knows why. Possibly Dennis thought I was angry at the Crowe family because I broke up with Linda.  Actually, Linda broke up with me.  lol!  I was very young, and very naive.  I was very hurt too.  But I did not get angry until later. 

In a very surprising, shocking car accident,  Linda's twin brother, Larry, died in a car crash.  I saw him before he died in Bloomington Hospital.  He spoke.  Later on he died.  He died a few days after the crash.  So sad.  No doubt Linda was distraught - he was her twin after all.  And the star football player had already indicated he thought she was a catch before I had to move with dad to Glen Buri, Maryland for my senior year in HS.  That ws a very bad move for me.

Linda married Greg Easton later, the star football player for Bloomington HS, and he became a Bloomington policeman.  Wow!  It was such a big deal!

I went back to school in Bloomington, Indiana University, 1965 to 1969.  Went to law school after, for three months.  I went to the University of San Francisco!  I got a $500 scholarship.  Wow!  It was all a big deal too!  I had no energy for the law study so I quit after three months.  I told the Air Force I was ready since I had graduated in 1969 from IU with a commission through ROTC. 

In the Air Force I got new energy to study and started y masters in sociology.  I studied at Trinity University and almost wrote my thesis, but did not finish it.  I got my masters, after lots of course work, and by passing a 100% COMPREHENSIVE (they could ask a question on anything and it was all essay) final exam for all the 10 courses I took, (wow!).  My masters was in Public Administration from the University of North Colorado, and I took the classes while assigned to teach contracting at Lowry Technical Training Center.  

The years in Colorado were crazy, 1973 to 1976 I think.  I taught 6 hour shifs, 6am to 12 noon.

Backing up to Junior High, I had my first kiss with Brenda when I was in the in 8th grade (we were at her home, on her patio, and our lips were closed - lol).  The first date I ever had was with Cathy Morton.  We attended a dance where I was ridiculous.  I did not say a word all night except "Wanna dance?"  I had no ability to converse with a girl!  At 16 fell in love with Linda Crowe, and it was my first time. 

Then one year later dad was assigned to Ft Meade, Maryland and I left Bloomington, Indiana and that first girlfriend went her own way, suddenly, without any notice.  I probably missed all the signals of the breakup, but it was me leaving town that made it easy for sure, and probably her brother dying, and Greg Easton being there for her.

I went to HS for my senior year as the new guy.  Somehow I was on the student council.  No sports tho, none.

It was OK, Glen Burnie HS.  I 100% bombed trigonometry and solid geometry, after having done well in Bloomington is algebra and geometry, so I am not sure why I could not understand anything in math class, NOTHING-ZERO!  The teacher was pretty bad, but so was I.  Later, in the days I was assigned by the Air Force to Lowry AFB, I took a University of Colorado course in calculus and got an "A."  If calculus Is supposed to be hard, like trig, then why was calculus so easy at that time?

I did OK in al my other courses and even joined the Student Council for some reason.  I went to the prom, actually a girl invited me, but I forget her name.

I attended Indiana University from 1965 to 1969, took lots of courses, got an ROTC Financial Assistance Grant (FAG) to pay tuition, worked at Beta Theta Pi for room and board, and mom and dad gave me a few bucks for spending money.  My sister loaned me her car at times.  When we moved from Bloomington in 1964, she stayed to marry Dave Martin, whom she later divorced because he could not keep his pecker in his pants.  I almost had a date with the babysitter he had his problems with . . . Almost,  lol

I got seriously into running without knowing it.  I recall running laps at the England Air Base in Alexandria, Louisiana in the heat.  When I first entered the Air Force in 1970 the fitness requirement was to run 1.5miles in 12minutes or better.  I ran 8:33.  I competed with a major who wanted to run faster than 8:30 so we trained together.  I recall seeing this major run on the track, steady, quick paced, determined, with a sailors cap.  He drew my attention until one day I talked to him about his running.

After Louisiana, I moved to Colorado, the Mile High City, Aurora, CO.  Yu thought I was gong to say Denver?  Ha!  Aurora is a suburb of Denver so it's the same.  I taught classes at Lowery AB and got up for 6 hour sessions starting at 6am.  I got into longer runs there, like 5 miles a day, sometimes longer wondering runs in the heat.  I started to enjoy just running around everywhere and enjoying the scenery.

In Germany I was a Branch Chief and had 7-8 German Nationals working for me.  We wrote constructions and services contracts.  I was not very good at it.  It was called "Base Contracting" and was a lot different than Systems Contracting or Commodity Purchasing.  In German, one day, I ran a 15K, 9 mile cross country race / fun run.  My running was steady, not fast.  I often finished in the upper third of the group participants. 

My next assignment was Ohio I think.  I get confused.

Moved to Ohio and started running 10Ks and half marathons.  I ran 1hr29 at once, and ran sub 39 minutes 10K in Ohio.  I was never fast, but I was persistent.  lol

I ran many (10-15 more?) 10Ks in Ohio, Florida, the Peachtree Race in Atlanta and the Boston Marathon.  Gertrud and I would go to the festivals, Pumpkin, Strawberry, etc.  I ran in New Hampshire in the '80s, a couple half marathons and a marathon in Keene.  I ran my first marathon in Dayton, OH.  It took about 4 hours in a cold, snowy, windy day.  I ran with Eric.  We trained for 6 weeks with an Olympic runner.  If you can finish 21 miles you can run a marathon is what our trainer taught us for my first marathon.  I went on to run marathons in New Orleans, San Diego,  Los Angeles, Boston, two at Casco Bay, Maine, NH, the Peace Marathon from Concord, MA (THAT was hard one!), Marine Corps in Wash DC, a total of 12 as I recall.  My best time was 3:07, one at 3:11.

Training runs are most memorable tho, especially around Eglin AB.

Now at 71 my feet are bad from psoriasis, the spine is crumbling (lumbar stinosis), my right shoulder is a mess, as is my left shoulder, I have a hernia, carpal tunnel syndrome, bad eyes, and other deteriorations . . . Life is great until your body starts leaving this earth.

I was in the Air Force, as noted above, and assigned as Director of Contracting as a LT COL (0-5) with four Contracting Officers and overall 45 people in my organization managing the Small ICBM.  I will tell you ore about the Small iCBM, but first, a story about a jg and a rescue of a child and her mother in an upside down SUV that slid off the road in Colorado Springs, CO.

I worked 44 years, had many nearly good / great efforts like the almost 5 minute mile at Squadron Officers School, the EVM Expert test where I messed up the IIBR question, the NCMA Contract Manager test I took three times, the thesis in sociology I never finished, and more.  I feel like somehow my focus was never good enough to take my results to the next level.  I always came up short in college, a "B" (3,1) grade average, was accepted to the University of San Francisco Law School with a $500 grant after graduating from IU, then dropped out after three months.

I feel I always came up short of my true ability.

Then maybe sometimes I was very good, even exceeded like my years working Raytheon Integrated Defense Systems Internal Integrated Baseline Review.  Maybe when I briefed the Air Force General about our Small ICBM contract definitization schedule, I was right on.  I put up a slide showing all ten contracts on the same schedule and the general asked how that could be.  I had a team for each contract, so why not?  Maybe I knew more than the general for my schedule?  Of course I did!

Achieving my potential was important to me as some folks told me I could do more.  One of my professors in my Masters program at Univ North Colorado said he wondered why I did not participate me.

I once worked at "USE Hardware" store.  I had quite law school at USF after just three months.  I had a $500 scholarship at USF.  I wanted to diet.  I was getting over a girlfriend breakup, lol.  I watched a lot of National Public TV shows and did sit-ups every night after I drank myself dizzy, dizzy, not drunk.  I only ate breakfast, essentially, a great, messy cheeseburger.  It was my one treat per day.  It was a reward for not eating dinner.  I ate lunch most of the time, a sandwich I made.  I read books in my car at lunch.  My main job at USE Hardware was to mix paint.  I was not good mixing paint!  lol

I lost weight and weighed 160 in the end, by roughly Jan 1970.  I was in law school three months.  I once made a bet with my roommate Chris Curtis, when we were in the Air Force.  I can lose weight - to 160 pounds.  I won the bet!

I do not need to do that again, but 170 is achievable I think.  Ha!

I had rotator cuff surgery 26 March 2018, so have to be careful not to hurt that repair for 6 months!  My new Ping golf clubs got two seasons of play.  Now I have to more or less shelve them for the summer!  Bad!  I will putt and chip, but probably use only my left arm to play 9 holes some time this summer, maybe July 2018.

I walked around the block many times with Geddy in New York, staying with my daughter Stephanie as she lived with Chirs, her husband, working for Amazon.  We started in Hells Kitchen, in a nice two bedroom apartment, and ending up in Manhattan, near Central Park, Columbus, and 100, close to Central Park.  Wow!  it was a four hour drive to be there, we parked for about $350 a week, and helped out.  Each morning, in Manhattan, I went down from the 4th floor apartment, to get breakfast at Starbucks.

I walked Geddy in a NY snowstorm in 2015!